Why is it so hard to find “Mr. Right?”
I have had my fair share of discussions with fellow young Christian women over the years about the struggle to find a “good Christian guy.” They have dated so many different people in hopes of somehow stumbling into “Prince Charming.” They have an old laundry list of broken hearts and heart breakers.
Now. I do want to say. This post is not titled “Signs To Know That He’s The One.” This is not some check list to compare your significant other to. This is also not titled, “How to Find God’s Match for You.” This is truth from God’s word regarding the character of a man of God, that will hopefully provide some guidance for young women when faced with making decisions in this area.
So why do Christian women struggle with dating the “wrong guy?” I think it can come down to a problem of forgetting what a true man of God looks like, and most importantly- what he acts like. I have compiled a list of 10 things that stick out in the Bible the most to me in regard to the character of a man of God. No man is perfect in all of these areas, but these are definitely good guidelines to follow and things to look for.
A man seeking after God’s heart…
1. Studies the Word
“But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.” 1 Timothy 3: 14-17
What does this verse tell us? It tells us that wisdom comes directly from God. God has spoken to us through His word. Therefore, wisdom can be gleaned from the Word of God. This is very important to know. Men of God should be eager to hear what God has to say in order to teach others, correct bad behavior, train others to follow after God, and in order to be fully able to carry out the eternal task that the Lord has for them. If a man has no interest in learning what God has to say through His given Word, then he is probably not a true follower of our Lord Jesus Christ and/or is in rebellion against God.
“We cannot know what prayer is for, until we know that life is war.”
This was a quote from a book I read yesterday that really stuck with me. Prayer is one of the biggest ways that we wage war against the devil. If someone doesn’t spend time in prayer, then they more than likely don’t realize the importance of it. In order for a man of God to effectively be led by God, and in turn lead his spouse, he must pray as if his life depends on it.
Matthew 6:9-13 says, “Pray then like this: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”
A man of God knows that the Father’s name must be hallowed and praised ONLY. He will be about the Lord’s work and will acknowledge God as the ultimate provider for him and his family. He will trust in the Lord to keep Him from temptation and forgive him when he sins. Ladies, you WANT a man who will pray not only for himself, but for you as well. This is a demonstration of how a man views himself in light of God.
“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5
How a person responds when things don’t go their way/ when there are bad things happening, is a good indication of who they truly are. When life squeezes you tight, what’s inside is going to come out. How a man handles the trials of life is very important. As Christians we should all take shelter in the Lord when the storms of life are raging around us. We should always direct out focus on Him. Our suffering produces endurance and through that, our character is developed. Men of God will buckle down when things get tough. They will not give up. They will fight because their hope is in the Lord!
4. is Filled with Integrity
The definition of integrity is this: “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. The state of being whole and undivided.”
”Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8
”Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil.” Proverbs 4:25-27
I cannot stress the importance of this. As women of God it is SO important to know that the man in our life is living a life of integrity. He needs to be honest and have an unwavering sense of what is wrong and what is right. His heart must be wholly devoted to God. Undivided attention must be given to Him. He should strive to keep his heart from evil and to be a man of his word. His ultimate satisfaction needs to be rooted in the honorable, pure, lovely, excellent things of God.
5. Lives Intentionally
“But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus–the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.” Acts 20:24
A true man of God will seek to bring glory to the Father in everything that he does. He will go out of his way to proclaim who the Lord is to everyone around him through his action and words. As Christians, this should be our number one goal. We should intentionally share the gospel with the world around us. A man who is listening to the heart of God will also recognize the desperate need that the world has FOR Him. His heart will be burdened for the lost and those who are eternally perishing. He will realize that success is not measured in what he has or what he can do, but it is found only in the saving grace of Jesus. He will live his life in a way that demonstrates the need for worship in every tribe, tongue, and nation.
“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45
I don’t know of any greater example that we should follow than that of our Savior. Men and women of God need to have a servant mentality. If we are considering getting into a relationship with someone, we should consider how they spend their time. Do they give it to others? Do they make time to help others? Do they only use their time to enhance their own life? Do they only have time for themselves? The are questions that need to be answered. A true man of God realizes that he was placed on this earth not for his own benefit, but to glorify God. God is glorified when we are about His business. If we are never about the Lord’s business, then we are being selfish. A man of God will give of his time, money, talents, and spiritual gifts in order to enhance the kingdom of God. He will take out of his own life to give to others.
Ephesians 6:7, “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people”
7. Upholds Purity
”Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2
”How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.” Psalm 119:9
”But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” Romans 13:14
A man following God knows how very important it is that he upholds purity. Not just for himself, but for his significant other as well. That being said- if there is a man in your life who does not value purity of heart, body, and mind, then you need to be very cautious of continuing a relationship with him. A lack of self-control when it comes to physical purity is not a good sign. It is an indicator that they are not truly letting themselves be transformed by the Lord! If we are putting ON Christ then there will be NO room for selfish gratifications. It is a daily choice to choose Christ instead of immorality. It is a choice to NOT continue in our old pattern of thinking and to RUN to Jesus. We will only know what the Lord’s will is for our lives when we are allowing Him to purify us from the inside out. You want a man who wants what Jesus wants.
“Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Colossians 3:13
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
Forgivness. It is easier said than done sometimes. As Christians we have a command from the Lord to forgive others when they have wronged us. We are told to look to God for our example of how to forgive. He forgave us from our sins and rescued us from being forever separated from him by our sins. If God can forgive ALL of ours sins, how much more should we forgive those who have sinned against us? A man of God will seek to be at peace with all people. He will admit when he is wrong, ask forgiveness, and forgive those in need of it.
9. has Christian Fellowship/Accountability
“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17
“And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.” Acts2:44-47
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2
Fellowship with other Christians is a vital part of the Christian life. Church, the body of Christ, is where we receive encouragement, love, and accountability. Surrounding ourselves by people who are following the Lord just like us is so important. We can help one another out when we are struggling, give to the poor and needy, and keep each other on the straight and narrow path of righteousness. A man of God will realize his need for christian brotherhood and accountability. He will seek after having a mentor and will put people in place in his life to hold his accountable to spiritual growth. He will want to be around people who believe like he does in order to encourage them/ be encouraged by them. A man of God will seek after people he can minister to and fellowship with on a regular basis.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” Colossians 3:14
“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
Love is the greatest characteristic of a true man of God. Love is what defines us as believers in Christ! Love is what makes us different from the rest of the world. Love is what saves us. Love is what forgave us. Love is the only reason that I am even sitting here today writing this blog post. Love IS God. It will be the only thing that lasts and the only thing that makes relationships worthwhile. A man of God will demonstrate love because it will be an overflow from his heart/ time spent with the Father. He will have no other choice but to show that love to others. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church. They must be willing to give up their lives for her and protect her at all costs. Men of God should demonstrate with their words and actions how much the women in their lives are cherished and valued by their creator, and encourage her to be the best woman of God that she can be. Love is the ULTIMATE sign of a follow of Christ. It is the greatest of all gifts and should be what we truly desire. My prayer is that we would be people who recognize this as a reality. May all that we do be done out of love and may we reflect that love to the world around us- whether we are single, dating, engaged, or married.
In Christ Alone,